My daughter’s tummy aches vanished almost instantly. Knowing we were thinking of them made getting through a bad day, not so daunting and reminded them that even when we were not together, we were with them in our hearts…. Eagerly they waited to open up their lunch to find a little ray of hope in their often chaotic day. Using email back and forth, the two of us were able to regularly share insights on ways to reassurance my daughter, calm her fear and provide a listening ear when she needed it.įinally, we returned to something tried and true which gave her something to look forward to… lunch box love notes.Įach day, every day, we wrote a special reassuring note to each of our girls on a post-it hidden in their lunch. My daughter’s teacher was amazing in this regard, checking in with my daughter regularly, but not in an obvious way. Second, we communicated with the teacher and school staff to let them know what was going on. Knowing what she was eating took the uncertainty out of lunch times and choosing helped her feel like she had some control in the crazy world we were living in. First, we always told her what she was having for lunch and when possible, we gave her a choice in what we made. To quell her anxiety and bring her a sense of calm and predictability each day, we started some new routines around lunch. It also made her very aware that something as basic as life itself could so easily and randomly be taken away. Worried about my well-being brought my tender 8-year-old face-to-face with the Grim Reaper. Shortly after these types of conversations, one of my daughters started developing “tummy aches”. I could die.” : / Super-Lunch to the Rescue! (I really didn’t want to answer that one.) “I wouldn’t get better. “Wow, that’s a long time.” (I could see the realization on my daughters’ face slowly sinking in… they were finally getting the picture: my illness was serious.) “What happens if you don’t take the medicine?” “For three more months” (I had already completed three months of chemo… yet had to do six in all.) “How long do you have to keep taking the medicine?” They’d ask. “That’s how we know the medicine is working…” I’d say. “Why are you taking the medicine…” my girls would ask, “if it makes your hair fall out and makes you feel sick?” The fact that I was no longer present at school drop-offs and pick ups, or even at the dinner table at times was unnerving. “Mommy takes care of us, not the other way around…” My daughters struggled with the idea of me being incapacitated at times. That said, being really, really sick, caused all our family routines to go haywire - the universe felt upside-down. Even if this makes sense on a logical level, it goes against our biology… no matter what, when it comes to survival, we will always seek to put our kids first. Likewise, we are of little use to those we love if we don’t first take care of ourselves. We all know from the in-flight passenger announcements given by the flight attendants at the beginning of each flight that we should secure our own oxygen masks before assisting others. As any parent knows, the only thing worse than being sick (and feeling crappy) is being sick with kids. Last year, my family went through a LOT! I have faced off against serious illnesses before in my 20’s, but never before have I had to deal with an illness as big as cancer while being a parent. I probably don’t need to tell you this, but being a sick parent can really suck! And please reach out if you have ideas or questions to share! Lunch box notes for husband how to#Stay tuned for more ideas on how to make the transition back to school more smooth for your family. As the new school year approaches I’m getting requests from families about how to soothe back-to-school anxiety for a new generation of littles, and get them excited about the return to school (in SFUSD school starts August 16, 2021!) With big changes coming up this fall, lunch box notes are one way to reassure your little ones and give them something to look forward to each day. It’s pretty miraculous, to watch your kids grow into independent people who can now get themselves up, pack their lunches, and get out the door all on their own. Since I originally wrote this post, my kids have grown from 3rd graders to teenagers. This is especially true for families with littles who have been out of school for months and may be feeling anxiety about being away from home. With kids home so much this past year, it will be a big transition back to school for all families this fall. While the context of going back to school during a pandemic, is very different than parenting with cancer, there are many similar parenting challenges. This post was originally written on December 9, 2014, updated on August 4, 2021.
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